Every good James Bond film has at least one of some sort. Now, to qualify for this mark, it doesn't explicitly have to be a "car" chase, boats, air planes, and and even hovercraft count. Considering the movie opens with a car chase, there's a boat chase, and an airplane chase, I don't have much of a problem giving this one the mark.
Verdict: CHECK. +2 Points. (Runing total: 2)
Face it, Bond is nothing without the help of the Q department. Without those underwater cars, jetpacks, exploding toothpaste missile launchers, or sonic glass shattering rings, James would be dead. So, explain why, once again, Bond doesn't have a single gadget, and the Q department is no where to be found. EON, stop dropping the ball.
Verdict: Fail. QoS loses a point this time. Not a single gadget in sight. His phone doesn't count, mine has the internet too. (Running total: 1)
BOND SLEEPS WITH A WOMAN 5 MINUTES AFTER MEETING HER:
Even EON can't screw this one up. Bond has more STDs than there are ABCs.
Verdict: CHECK. +2. (Running total: 3)
GOOD OPENING MUSIC/SEQUENCE:
Okay, so some of the old Bond movies have had bad music before. Some of the opening sequences have sucked so hardcore they could be candidates for "Worst Porn Film." But honestly, Jack White, Alicia Keys, stop making music. Now. NOW. What the fuck was that? Let me repeat... What the FUCK was THAT? Good music died the day you made "Another Way to Die." And that opening sequence? I laughed so hard I cried, that's how bad it was. Whoever was in charge of that one should be fired. Literally. Shoved into a kiln and fired.
Verdict: EPIC Fail. You know what? That song was so bad, I'm taking off an extra TWO points. -3. (Running total: 0)
USE OF BOND THEME:
When I think of a Bond movie, I think of a car chase with James chasing/being chased in an epic scene that has been choreographed to the theme of the series. Explosions go off as the theme reaches its climax (Duh duh DAH DAAAAA Duh-duh Naaaaa) making the chases that much more epic and enjoyable. Unfortunately, since the "reboot," the films have suffered from a lack of use of the series's main theme. QoS is no different.
Verdict: Fail. How can you leave such an iconic piece just for the credits? -1. (Running total: -1)
WITTY, BUT BAD, PUNS:
What Bond movie could be complete without some bad witty puns thrown into the mix. Casino Royale really didn't have any of these with the closest being "Now everyone will know you scratched my balls before you died." Weak. Luckily, QoS actually keep up tradition, and has a few puns in the movie. Aparently, the screenwriters of this movie actually watched at least 15 minutes of other Bond films.
4:10 of that video, you'll get what I mean.
Verdict: Check. +2. (Running total: +1)
MEMORABLE VILLAINS WITH DIABOLICAL PLOTS:
Goldfinger tried to slice James in half with a laser, and irradiate the US gold supply. Francisco Scaramanga and his Golden Gun try to assassinate 007. Hugo Drax wants to restart humanity in space. What do we get with QoS? Some rich fucker who overthrows the Bolivian government to steal the water. Seriously?
Verdict: Fail. I already forgot his name. -1 (Running total: 0)
FINAL VERDICT: Quantum of Solace is a decent "action" movie, but it falls short of a Bond film. It's not "bad," persay, but it's not "good" either.
Final Score: 0. Translates to: Meh.